MY REVIEW OF PINK LADY & JEFF
By Jeffrey C. Branch

When I posted my original screen captures from Pink Lady & Jeff back in 2000, it never occurred to me to actually do a review on the series, mainly because I was in a hellacious hurry to post the pictures prior to March of that year to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the show. Ever since then, the idea of my doing a review sort of fell through the cracks. Until now.

On this, the occasion of PL & J’s 25th anniversary, I decided to get off my lazy ass and do that long delayed review. After viewing the show (two episodes a night), scribbling notes along the way, I set about doing my own review of the series. My goal was to be as objective as possible, which, admittedly, was not an easy thing to do, given my bottomless adoration for Mie and Kei and my, well, semi-loathing towards Jeff. And that wasn’t easy either as I hate to badmouth anyone who shares my name.

After I finished, I was amazed at how much my opinion of the show had changed since I first viewed it in 1980. Back then, it was impossible to slam PL & J because I was deliriously happy to see Mie and Kei on American TV. I didn’t give a damn that the show was a flaming disaster, all that mattered was seeing my beloved heroines. And I’m sure other viewers felt the same way. It’s only with the passage of time, did I come to see PL & J for the charming catastrophe that it was. And now, my review----

EPISODE 1: The show begins with Jeff who comes out to do his rambling monologue. Back in 1980, I had no earthly idea who he was, that he had been touted as a “hot, young comedian”. After listening to his babbling, I was thoroughly convinced otherwise as I found nothing he said even remotely funny. I did my level best to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he came off looking like a buffoon.

Finally, Jeff got around to introducing the real stars of the show. Just like the very first time I saw the show, my heart pounded in my chest like a triphammer when Mie and Kei came out on stage, dressed in kimonos and looking just as lovely as ever. After a graceful bow, the girls whipped off the kimonos to display Vegas-like outfits and launched into a way cool rendition of “Boogie Wonderland”. I was enthralled.

That was followed by the girls exchanging banter with Jeff. A theme was established right away with a gleeful Mie buttering up Jeff while a cynical Kei put him down. A second theme, meant to be cute was whenever the girls thought they understood something, they’d happily chirp “Yes!”, then, a moment later, looking downcast, they’d sheepishly murmur, “No.” Instead of being cute, it made me cringe.

Then there’s Jeff, hardly a hot, young comic in any sense of the word. The characters he did (the sleazy televangelist I nicknamed “Reverend Pompadour” for the Little Richard wig he wore, and Leonard Moon who “didn’t have the brains of an ice cube.”) didn’t impress me in the slightest. However, in the Tonight Show skit Jeff did with the girls, I must admit that he did a very credible Johnny Carson.

As for guest stars, I found it hard to believe that the best the show’s producers could do were Sherman Hemsley and Bert Parks, plus Blondie on tape, and they didn’t even do “Heart Of Glass”. After a spirited rendition of “Knock On Wood” by Mie and Kei, we come to the show’s final theme: the girls, in bikinis, leading a reluctant, tuxedo clad Jeff into a hot tub. Far from award winning TV to say the least.

EPISODE 2: With the premiere episode under my belt, we come to round two. The formula from the opening of episode one was repeated: Jeff does his dopey monologue (this time out, phony press clippings from the previous week) which bores everyone silly, then the girls come out in kimonos, whip them off to display flashy outfits before launching into song, followed by banter with Jeff.

Episode two’s guest stars were a definite step up. Larry Hagman came out in a ten gallon hat and hammed it up with Jeff, acting more than a little like his notorious J.R. Ewing persona from Dallas. That I actually found humorous. Donny Osmond, in his early 20’s at the time was still very much a teen idol who made the hearts of young girls flutter while soul stylist Teddy Pendergrass wowed the crowd.

However, they were offset, at least in my mind anyway, by Sid Caesar and his offensive “Papa-san” act in the skit where he’s the father to Mie and Kei and giving their dates (Jeff and Jim Varney) a hard time. Seeing him parade around in a “Shogun” get-up, complete with a samurai sword and grumbling in mock-Japanese was disgusting. I can’t imagine how revolted the girls must’ve been.

The “City of the Week” salute (Prefaced by Mie writing home about hers and Kei’s travels in America) was New York, I thought that was cute with the girls being serenaded by Teddy as a street musician, followed by a number with Donny. Even the hot tub scene at the end had a bit of hilarity with Larry, Sid and Teddy, all wearing cowboy hats joining Jeff and girls. This was my favorite of all six episodes.

EPISODE 3: Here we had a twist that took me by surprise in 1980. After the customary dull monologue from Jeff, the girls came out in their kimonos, then, after removing them to reveal sexy, sci-fi styled black and gold outfits, proceeded to sing “UFO”. That left me stunned as I never expected the girls to sing one of their Japanese hits. A pleasant change from the Disco stuff they’d been doing.

Now, while I didn’t discuss them in the previous two episodes, it’s time to talk about the Peacock Dancers, the troupe of female dancers who perform with Mie and Kei in the show’s opening act. Far be it for me to critique the merits of show business performers, but the Dancers weren’t exactly the second coming of the Rockettes, and while we’re on the topic, they weren’t all that attractive either.

Round three’s guest stars featured Greg Evigan who’s claim to fame at the time was co-starring with a chimpanzee on BJ and the Bear. Good Lord. But here, he wails on a sax like Bill Clinton and tries to pass himself as a singer, both solo, then with the girls. But then, things perk up big time when Hugh Hefner appears, and not alone as he brought half a dozen Playboy Bunnies along. Hubba hubba!

Then we go to Chicago for the “City of the Week” skit which had Mie and Kei decked out as Bunnies and learning the ropes of the job. Damn if the girls didn’t look absolutely gorgeous in those outfits! At the end of the show, it’s time to go into the hot tub, but this week, Jeff’s very, VERY eager to get in since it’s full of bikini wearing Bunnies. All things considered, I can’t say I blamed him.

EPISODE 4: While I’ve been fairly neutral about most of the episodes, this may well have been my least favorite of the lot, and that’s saying something since PL & J wasn’t excellent TV. The girls returned to doing generic Disco stuff with the Peacock Dancers after Jeff’s monologue, followed by his trying to impress Mie and Kei with his supposed knowledge on real estate. Heavy sigh.

The producers really scraped the bottom of the barrel for guest stars, beginning with Lorne Greene, milking what little life there was left to his career with his starring role on Battlestar Galactica, but it was cute watching Kei firing imaginary six shooters, reminding everyone of Lorne’s years on Bonanza. But he was followed by Boomer, a dog, a goddamned dog! How ridiculous was that?

From the aforementioned ridiculous to the flat-out absurd, Sid Caesar returned like the proverbial bad penny as “Papa-san”, in this skit, he’s giving away his blushing brides (Mie and Kei), but finds the costs staggering, thanks to Florence Henderson, playing a wedding planner. Flo then returns to teach the girls all about the majesty of America before bursting into “America The Beautiful”.

The “City of the Week” feature was replaced by an incredibly dopey skit were Jeff and Sid do a send-up of silent movies, complete with it being in black and white. After Mie and Kei wow the crowd in a mini-concert, it’s hot tub time, but we have a new twist as the girls, looking foxy in tuxedos take Jeff into the tub and make like The Three Stooges. As a Stooge fan, I got a chuckle out of that.

EPISODE 5: The last two episodes of the show never aired in Philadelphia in 1980. I can only guess the ratings were so horrible, NBC put the show out of its misery, so I never saw those “missing” episodes until 2000 when a fellow fan sent them to me on a VHS tape. When I first viewed this episode, I was pleasantly surprised when Mie and Kei led off the show by performing “Monster”.

Once again, a curve was thrown with the girls performing one of their Japanese hits, and looking sexy while doing so. Unfortunately, Jeff came out afterwards to make an idiot of himself. That was followed by Red Buttons who was past his prime by a good two decades to allegedly teach Mie and Kei the finer points of comedy, complete with the girls doing his trademark “Ho Ho Song”. Yeesh!

Next came the top gun. Yep, Jerry Lewis. Of all the guest stars who appeared on the show, Lewis, by reputation alone was perhaps the biggest of the lot. Kinda like being the tallest midget in the circus. But, I must say he hadn’t lost any of his old comic genius, either in his byplay with Jeff and the girls (especially Kei who was cracking up from his antics) or in the solo skit that he did.

But the highlight, or lowlight was the Abraham Lincoln Roast skit which seemed to last forever, and was definitely un-PC with one line about watching the slaves form the NBA. Thankfully, Mie and Kei returned to sing their hearts out for the crowd, followed by another twist at the end with Jeff in the hot tub and enjoying himself for a change before degenerating into a moldy “Jaws” joke.

EPISODE 6: The show’s swan song, the weakest episode of the lot began again with Mie and Kei as they sang an old Motown hit with the Peacock Dancers who, in my opinion, hadn’t become any more attractive since episode one. As for Jeff, his act also hadn’t improved either, but I learned to tune him out so his dubious contributions didn’t take away from the joy of watching the girls.

Speaking of Jeff, he brought “Reverend Pompadour” out of mothballs to compete with Byron Allen from “Real People” in a skit where the two phony preachers sought to heal Mie and Kei’s old and ailing sugar daddy (Jim Varney). Next came Bobby Vinton, another past his prime crooner doing a medley of his old tunes, then Byron who did the most painfully unfunny stand-up I’d ever seen.

As if we hadn’t seen enough of Sid Caesar, he returned for one last skit as “Papa-san” where he checks up on his happily married daughters. Ugh. Next came Red Buttons as the head honcho of the tres chic Beverly Hills P.D., finally, the old “East vs. West” thing with Jeff as a corny cowboy and the girls in karate outfits who sent Jeff scurrying after chopping a fake hitching post in two.

After the late Roy Orbison appeared to sing “Pretty Woman”, Mie and Kei return to sing some old 60’s tunes with Bobby, we come to the final trip to the hot tub. While the girls, dressed in elegant gowns stand off to the side, a “For Sale” sign nearby, Bobby joins Jeff in the tub for some crooning. After the girls chirp “Good night”, the credits roll for the last time. I genuinely felt sad.

Like I said, not exactly award winning television, but for the time in question, it left an impact, albeit, a notorious one as PL & J was said to have officially murdered the longtime comedy/variety show format. If the Kroffts had tried to pitch this show to the networks today, they would've been thrown out on the street before they could finish, laughed at all the way. Even with 57 channels and nothing to watch, as Bruce Springsteen sang a few years ago, PL & J would never have seen the light of day, and heaven knows lots worse shows than this somehow made it onto the small screen.

As for the particulars, to Jeff, PL & J may well be his everlasting claim to fame, or shame. Other than a semi-recurring role on The Dukes of Hazzard, a show he ironically made fun of while onstage with Mie and Kei, he's led a mostly anonymous existence in Hollywood since 1980. Then there's the girls. From the start when Mie and Kei were basically ordered to do the show, they had to make the best of what they had to know was a bad situation. They performed like champs from start to finish, and if they have had any lingering bad feelings about the show, at least they can take pride in this: they entertained us during their short tenure on American television, and we recirpocated by becoming their most loyal fans. And that was good enough for us.

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