PINK LADY & JEFF: THE REVIEW This Trooper has been a fan of Pink Lady (Mitsuyo Nemoto-Tsukuda & Keiko Masuda-Kuwaki) since 1980. That year, I was only 6 going on 7. The very minute I saw them, I fell in love with them almost instantly. As far as Jeff Altman is concerned, I virtually paid no attention to him or any of the other performers on the show. Even now, (in my opinion) he gets less respect than Rodney Dangerfield.
EPISODE ONE Of course, Jeff has to open the show with his obscure monologue. He got a few laughs from the audience, but I wasn’t too amused. The only times he got a laugh from me were A> when he faked banging his head on the stool, and B> when he imitated Richard Nixon. Then he goes and introduces Pink Lady. Before he does, he shows the audience a brief clip of one concert. Then just seconds later, the main attraction comes out. At first they appear in traditional Japanese kimonos. Then after they sing a few lyrics in Japanese, they come out of their kimonos to reveal spangly pink evening gowns while singing EWF’s “Boogie Wonderland”. Then after the song is done, Jeff questions their ability to actually speak English. Mitsuyo (MIE) responded with: “We spent many hours in Japan learning it. We wanted to speak perfect English when we got here.” Then he asks Keiko (KEI) the same question, and she replies with a smart-alek answer: “Yes. Do you?” Then of course, they go into [what Jeffrey Branch describes as] a good-cop-bad-cop routine. Mitsuyo flirts with Jeff and tries to make him feel good, while Keiko shoots him down when the opportunity arises. Near the end, Jeff says “It will be just the 3 of us.” Keiko corrects him: “No – 4.” Mitsuyo informs Jeff that they brought along their “bo-di-ga-do”, which Keiko abruptly translates into “bodyguard.” Then Keiko turns and calls out “Anga-san!” …at which time, the big guy (dressed in Sumo gear) busts through the wall and crosses his arms – and if looks could kill, Jeff Altman would be pushing up Japanese daisies! The special guests for this episode were Sherman Hemsley, Bert Parks, and Blondie (via music video). Then comes the “Radio” section – where Pink Lady sings a cute verse or two to the “Pink Lady & Jeff” theme song. After each verse, we see brief sketches as follows: - Jeff plays a reverend who can supposedly heal people with his hands. His first “customer” is a young lady (played by MIE) who was dancing non-stop regardless of the fact that absolutely no music is playing. When “Reverend Jeff” lays his palm on top of the lady’s head, he says “YEAH! Come on home!” Shortly afterward, he “heals” himself and faints. - In the next sketch, Jeff plays a dimwitted boxer named Leonard Moon who “doesn’t have the brains of an ice cube”. His “training partner” was a side of beef named Roy. - MOTOWN REVUE: Pink Lady open this section as two-thirds of the Supremes with a brief excerpt of “Stop In The Name Of Love”. After that, we have “Disco Dick Nixon and the Richard Nixon Soul Revue”. Later in the show, Pink Lady reveal that they have maps to the stars’ homes. Just seconds later, Sherman Hemsley comes in and briefly joins PL & J. MIE then asks about women being drafted into the Army. Sherman tells Pink Lady that women do get drafted… at which time a new sketch begins: the “Uniform Sisterhood Organization” – hosted by “Bobbi Hope”. This bit of dialogue was very amusing: - [random soldier] You talk about luck… I’ve been married 6 times! Right when I was between husbands, they slapped me with a draft notice! - [KEI] What a bummer! - [MIE] The Army isn’t too bad… except the food is rotten: that SOS! - [KEI] Yeah – Sushi on a Shingle! Then Bobbi Hope comes on stage and introduces 2 acts: a winner of the “Mister Macho contest” (played by Jeff Altman) and “Sherman and the Boys” singing a brief rendition of “Boogie Woogie Bugle Babe.” Then we meet Bert Parks: legendary host of the Miss America contest. Before he comes out, Jeff quietly tells Pink Lady that Bert is “heading for the last roundup.” Now – Jeff said it quietly tells them that bit in the foolish hopes that they would not say anything. So much for that; MIE asked Bert if he brought his horse, while KEI told him what she was told by Jeff: he was heading for the last roundup. After that, Bert tells Jeff to get lost. Shortly afterward, we have a “cultural spot” with obscure art dealer Art Nuvo and wildlife observer Marlin Perkins. Then we meet our musical guest Blondie via music video. The song being performed was “Shayla”. Then on to another funny sketch: “The Adventures of the Pink Falcon” (played by MIE & KEI). Just as they attempt to steal a safe, Detective Jeff busts them and removes the rope from the safe. He tells the Pink Falcon that he knows all about their plan… when suddenly, with Jeff grabbing the rope and not thinking it through first, the Pink Falcon gives the cue to their accomplice: “OK, Mike!” And just like that, out goes Detective Jeff – out the window! Then, a brief sketch of what appears to be “The Tonight Show” – with a rather pathetic imitation of Johnny Carson. In fact, Jeff’s imitation of Johnny appeared to be so terrible that KEI asked when Bill Cosby was coming back. Within this sketch, a commercial starring Pink Lady was shown. Then a Japanese comedian finished off the sketch. Because no one understood what he said, he ended the sketch with a comical dance. Then, MIE writes a letter to her mother and tells her how she and KEI are dealing with their transition to America. Within her letter she tells her mother: “Hollywood is not quite what we expected” …which then leads to a few mini-sketches of Hollywood. The next section featured MIE & KEI singing their renditions of “You’ve Got A Friend” and “Knock On Wood.” Then comes the end of the show, where Jeff thanks the guests who appeared on the show. At which time, Jeff attempts to talk about something obscure… until MIE & KEI interrupt with another special surprise, much to Jeff’s brief dismay. - [JEFF] You girls have got to trust me… - [MIE] We do trust you, Jeff. - [KEI] We have a Japanese custom. At the end of the day, time to go into HOT TUB. Jeff resists at first, but then he happily accepts their offer as MIE & KEI pour water all over a still-fully-clothed Jeff. As Jeff starts to enjoy this, Anga-san rises from the water, scaring the bejeezus out of Jeff once again. - [JEFF] Whoa! I hope we got extra soap. Sayonara. - [MIE & KEI] Good night!
EPISODE TWO Here we go again with another obscure opening monologue from Jeff Altman. At the beginning, he goes into “reviews” of the show which “all mentioned him”. The reviews read as follows: - “Who is… Jeff Altman?” - “Why is Jeff Altman on TV at all?” - “Why did NBC give Jeff Altman a show, and why is he with those girls?” - “[mocking Japanese poorly]… Jeff Altman.” Then he goes into the show being aired opposite “The Dukes Of Hazzard” and how he guest starred on it a few times. Then FINALLY, he introduces Pink Lady, who then perform their own rendition of “Ease On Down The Road.” Song ends, and here comes Jeff to compliment their performance. In return, they compliment on his tuxedo… - [MIE] You look so handsome in your tuxedo. - [KEI] How did you get it off the wedding cake? Then they ask about why he always wears a tuxedo, and he explains that tuxedos and other nice outfits are required for festive events. Afterward, MIE & KEI tell Jeff about robes: different types of robes and different events for which they are worn. They even went so far as to provide Jeff with a robe of his own: a robe worn by samurai warriors. Then just as Jeff goes into character while wearing the robe, out comes Anga-san – with the exact same robe… and a samurai sword! YIKES! The special guests for this episode were Larry Hagman, Donny Osmond, Sid Caesar, and Teddy Pendergrass. Next, we meet Larry Hagman (star of “I Dream Of Jeannie” and “Dallas”). On occasion, Jeff calls him JR – which then forces Larry to go into character each time – and straighten Jeff out. MIE & KEI come out later to greet Larry and invite him to watch them do their next number. Now, Larry gets all sweet with MIE & KEI… but continues to be a real jerk toward Jeff. And who can blame him? After all, Jeff Altman gets less respect than Rodney Dangerfield. Once again, it’s Radio Time! Among the sketches were: - The pompous Reverend who heals anything with his hands. - The “Bland Ole Opry” with the legendary Jim Varney as the host. Then we cut to MIE, KEI, and a rather insecure Jeff – who compliments on how well the Ladies are doing with the show, then adds that they might no longer need him (in a sense, feeling sorry for himself). Then MIE & KEI (mostly MIE) reassure him that they could not have done this show without him. And to top off this tender moment, they teach Jeff a Japanese phrase: Ho-to-ni-hi-ta-nei (TRANSLATION: We like you very much). Our next sketch has MIE & KEI in a traditional Japanese household with Sid Caesar playing the role of their rather overprotective father. So overprotective in fact that he would make the Ladies cover up every body part from the neck down! Then when their dates (played by Jim Varney and Jeff Altman) come calling in, the father gets ALL TOO overprotective – literally freaking out when they would touch the Ladies in ANY WAY. Eventually, Papa-san sends the Ladies off on their date with the two men. Our next segment features a team-up performance by Pink Lady & Donny Osmond. Next up is another “Culture City” advertisement by Art Nuvo. One of his customers happens to be Larry Hagman! Right after Art Nuvo’s rather ridiculous commercial comes a rather obscure performance of “Swan Lake” with Sid Caesar as one of the dancers. Right after that rather obscure performance comes an outstanding performance by Teddy Pendergrass. After all that, we witnessed a series of sketches in New York City. One ends in a musical number led by Donny Osmond, one sketch features Teddy Pendergrass as a street musician, and one features Larry Hagman and Sid Caesar in a strip bar. Actually in the third sketch, Larry Hagman tries to talk business while Sid Caesar goes gaga over the strippers in front of them. Now comes the end of the show. While Jeff thanks the guests for helping out with the show, MIE & KEI get changed into their bathing suits. And just before they approach the hot tub, we find Larry Hagman, Teddy Pendergrass, and Sid Caesar in the tub playing cards! Shortly afterward, MIE & KEI bring Jeff into the hot tub… and Teddy puts his cowboy hat on Jeff’s head. Sayonara.
EPISODE THREE Top of the show – enter Jeff Altman and his rather obscure monologue. He introduces himself as “Jeff Altman: boy comedian”… then goes into how he had to “use that name because some other entertainer used his alleged birth name: Sex Pistols.” Then he goes into ho his comedic career started in Syracuse (New York). He talked about his first gig (the Beef and Bandage), he talked about the employees, and he even demonstrated the semi-funny gag that amused many a customer in Syracuse: he faked banging his head on the stool. After a while, he finally introduces Pink Lady – who then go on to perform [Jeff’s favorite song] “UFO”. Now… this is the first episode of PL&J where MIE & KEI perform their original Japanese songs on American television. After three exciting minutes of seeing MIE & KEI in action, Jeff joins them. - [JEFF] That’s the real stuff, man… you girls are so talented. - [MIE] Aw Jeff, you have more talent than both of us put together! - [JEFF] Awww… do you think so, Kei? - [KEI] No comment. Then Jeff talks about how MIE & KEI happened to arrive in America during an election year. Unfortunately for Jeff, Pink Lady does not understand American politics. Jeff then explains that a President can be elected for two terms of 4 years each. - [MIE] Can’t you keep him longer? - [JEFF] Usually we can’t get rid of him fast enough. - [KEI] Why don’t you get an emperor? - [JEFF] We had a guy who tried that once. (imitating Richard Nixon) Good evening, of course. Then Jeff talks about how anybody in America can become President – including himself. KEI’s reaction to that: “Wonderful.” But then Jeff mentions how difficult it can be to run for President – and how he would need a running mate. MIE & KEI then suggest Anga-san, who then comes out and chases Jeff back and forth. The special guests for this episode were: Greg Evigan (and his chimpanzee co-star), Hugh Hefner (and the Playmates), and Cheap Trick (via music video.). Next segment: Here’s Art Nuvo once again – selling old merchandise, sculptures, and all other older merchandise… for a small fee. Right after Art Nuvo’s rather obscure commercial, we take you to the White House – where the “Jimmy Carter Show” is being filmed. Special guests joining him are Charo and Bette Midler. Next we witness a classic performance by Greg Evigan (star of “BJ and the Bear”). After he and his band perform, he meets Pink Lady & Jeff… and the chimp joins them all. Next we witness a musical tabloid: “Cheapshot Magazine”. Among the hot gossip topics were: Richard Dawson goes to the hospital – apparently because his lips were exhausted from kissing too many women… Marlin Perkins marries a fish (I fast-forwarded through that part because the thought of humans marrying animals disturbs me)… and Hugh Hefner turning ownership of the Playboy Mansion over to – Richard Nixon?!?!? After that musical tabloid, we witness a mini-concert performance by Pink Lady & Greg Evigan. Right after that, we witness a party going on at the Playboy Mansion… where Pink Lady – minus Jeff – are invited! Damn… talk about getting less respect than Rodney Dangerfield. Just minutes into the party, Hugh Hefner himself comes out and announces to his guests that he is giving up the Playboy Mansion… and then introduces his replacement: The pompous Reverend! [There goes the neighborhood…] After the Reverend “cures the guests of their sadness” [and Pink Lady cures him of his obnoxious behavior], we jump to Leonard Moon’s locker room where MIE & KEI ask the rather win-less boxer all sorts of questions. Next we are treated to a music video by Cheap Trick: “Dream Police.” After the music video, MIE writes home again. This time she talks about her and KEI’s brief trip to Chicago – and how it “really blew their minds.” And how fitting; the next series of sketches would then take us to Chicago! Among the sketches, we witness: - Everybody and everything going on strike (even the wind!) - Pink Lady become the newest Playboy Bunnies and begin training for the Tokyo club - Two tourists visit Chicago and want to get a picture with a common mugger (Too weird!) Then of course, at the end of the show; Jeff thanks all guests for showing up. Afterward, MIE & KEI get changed into their bathing suits to prepare for “Hot Tub Time.” After MIE & KEI take Jeff to the hot tub, we witness Hef and the Playmates in the tub waiting for them! And to make matters interesting, the chimp is hanging out with them – with a cigar in his mouth! After a few seconds, Greg Evigan grabs the chimp and says goodbye to everyone. And once again, Jeff gets talked into getting in the hot tub with MIE, KEI, and the Playmates! What a happy ending once again. Sayonara.
EPISODE FOUR Top of the show: Enter Jeff Altman – minus his rather obscure monologue. Instead of three boring minutes of Jeff Altman’s useless banter, he introduces Pink Lady – who then perform a rather exciting rendition of “You Just Keep Me Hanging On.” After the performance, MIE & KEI look at the possibility of finding an apartment – but they seem to know absolutely nothing about finding an apartment in America (nor the abbreviations in the newspapers), so they turn to Jeff for advice. Then they meet MIE & KEI’s broker: EF Sumo –AKA– Anga-San! And when EF Sumo talks, “you better listen, mama!” The special guests for this episode were: Florence Henderson, Lorne Greene, Boomer the dog, Sid Caesar, and Blondie (via music video). Now the Ladies meet the legendary Lorne Greene – star of “Bonanza” (which ran for 14 years) and “Battlestar Galactica”. He basically tells MIE & KEI about what they need to create a very powerful TV Show. RADIO TIME! The Ladies are back with their cute little Radio song to introduce some mini-sketches. Among them are: - “Jail Radio” hosted by two cellmates (played by Jeff Altman and Jim Varney). - Consumer Reports; Jeff Altman inspects a local lemonade stand and has his boys put it out of business. The young lady [who ran the stand] retaliates by tying his shoes together. Next, MIE learns a magic card trick from Jeff. Jeff has MIE pick two cards from the deck. Those two cards turn out to be the Queen of Hearts and the King of Clubs. Those two cards would then represent Florence Henderson and Sid Caesar in the next sketch: “The Wedding Reception.” There we are: the Wedding Reception. The two newlywed men come in all frustrated because Papa-san (played by Sid Caesar) would not let the brides (his daughters) ride with them. Then suddenly he freaks out after seeing the catering bill… but then it’s toast time to the new brides and grooms. Eventually, Papa-san warms up to the men and gives each newlywed couple a pair of first-class tickets for their honeymoon. Afterwards, he offers two tickets to Nashville to the grooms’ mother. Next we meet Boomer the dog. [Too cute; I love puppies!] MIE & KEI are having such a good time talking to Boomer. What sort-of killed the buzz for that section was when Jeff asked Boomer to cash his $100 check (as if he would understand a request to cash a check and bring back change!). Shortly afterward, Boomer was gone – and so was Jeff’s $100 check. - [JEFF] I’ll never see that money again. - [KEI] Right. You just can’t trust actors with money. Next, Pink Lady perform a rendition of “Yesterday”. After that, we witness a rather energetic performance by Blondie as Deborah Harry belts out “Eat to the Beat”. Next, it’s back to “Culture City” with Art Nuvo. This time, he advertises African merchandise. After that, we witness a silent movie called “An Orphan’s Love” where Sid Caesar plays a down-on-his-luck boxer who goes on to challenge Kid Habachi (played by Anga-san). Next, MIE & KEI meet Florence Henderson – who teaches them about nostalgia (fond memories of the past) and sings “America the Beautiful”. Next, Boomer comes back with Jeff’s money – well, almost all of it. He brought back the $50 cashier’s check and $40 in cash. The remaining $10 was spent on a bone. Right after Jeff’s encounter with Boomer, we go to see Pink Lady – who then perform special renditions of “How Deep Is Your Love”, “Shame”, and “Le Freak”. The end of the show… Hot Tub Time. Of course, Jeff does his little “mock-complaining rant” about how MIE & KEI always get Jeff in the hot tub while still in his tuxedo. This time around, MIE & KEI have tuxedos of their own. As a result; MIE, KEI, and Jeff are all going into the hot tub… while wearing tuxedos! While in the tub, they all act like the 3 Stooges! Sayonara!
EPISODE FIVE Now here’s a slight difference at the beginning of the show. Instead of listening to Jeff Altman for 3 boring minutes, we’re being blessed with another Pink Lady classic: “Monster!” But wait… what’s wrong with this picture?!? Their costumes looked like something out of Voltron or Tranzor-Z. Not to mention MIE & KEI looked absolutely uncomfortable in those outfits… so uncomfortable in fact that they could not properly execute their dance moves! What in the blue hell was NBC thinking?!? And the backup dancers… Seriously, their costumes looked like small petite Ro-Beasts from Voltron! [At this point, I thank NBC… for f***ing up a perfectly good Pink Lady classic!] After their performance of “Monster”, MIE & KEI turn things around a bit; they introduce Jeff Altman! In the beginning of this next section, KEI reveals that she and MIE went to a disco after the previous night’s rehearsal. The rest of the conversation went as follows: - [JEFF] You know how I feel about you two girls going out alone at night. - [MIE] Not alone. There were always many men around us. - [JEFF] I bet. Did you have a good time? - [MIE & KEI] Yes! … No. - [MIE] Everyone asked us strange questions. - [JEFF] Strange questions like what? - [KEI] “What is your sign?” - [JEFF] They’re talking about your horoscope. - [MIE] Oh – horoscope! We should have told them we are Leos. - [JEFF] I thought you were Sagittarians. - [KEI] We are, but we can’t pronounce it. - [JEFF] (imitating robot) Sa-gi-ttar-i-ans. (MIE & KEI repeat) Shortly afterward, Jeff talks about “computer dating” and reveals that his “date would show up any minute.” Next thing we know, his date turns out to be a robot (something out of Lost In Space, mind you). The special guests for this episode were: Red Buttons, Alice Cooper, and Jerry Lewis. Oh no – here we go again! Another edition of the musical tabloid Cheapshot Magazine. Among the cheap gossip, we witnessed: - An absurd game show where a “lucky contestant” would replace Johnny Carson. - A new surgery method is made cheaper for the patient… but the head doctor is displeased with the job that was done on the patient, even though the patient felt better. Next, MIE & KEI introduce Red Buttons. They ask him how he remains famous after so many years, and he reveals that the secret to his being famous was finding a trademark (a slight gesture with which one would always be associated). Then after asking MIE & KEI a yes/no question, they answer with: “Yes! … No.” Red Buttons even shocked himself as he “helped MIE & KEI find a trademark of their own.” Next thing we know, it’s time for another obscure commercial by Art Nuvo as he advertises “Culture City”. This time, Art Nuvo is advertising technological gadgets. Next we have a sketch about the second inauguration of Abraham Lincoln, which feels more like a roast. Right after that, MIE & KEI perform a special rendition of “Macarthur’s Park.” Next we meet another legendary comedian: Jerry Lewis. And of course, he has to ham it up in the presence of MIE & KEI. Then Jeff tells the Ladies that Jerry Lewis is one of the greatest masters of comedy. Then of course… - [MIE] Could you help us with our comedy? - [JERRY] I’d be delighted. Anything I can do would be a pleasure. - [KEI] Good. Give Jeff all the help you can. Jerry eventually realizes that Jeff was a bit too stiff, so he gives Jeff a lesson or two on how to be funny without being so stiff. Apparently, the lessons paid off as Jeff removes his tie and re-introduces Jerry Lewis. Then Jerry comes back out [and crashes into a few chairs] and says a few things to the audience. After his brief speech, he sings “the shortest song we’ve ever heard” and then goes into its history with the help of a sketch. Next up – performing “Clones” from his “Flush the Fashion” album is Alice Cooper. After that, it’s another mini-concert from Pink Lady. But first, Jeff Altman does a crazy drum interlude which would segway into one of their great mini-concerts. Among the great songs they cover: - “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” by Rod Stewart - “Dancing Queen” by ABBA - “If They Could See Me Now” Now it’s the end of the episode… but Pink Lady is out there on stage – without Jeff! Where could he be? It turns out that he is already in the hot tub – dressed in nothing but swim trunks! After he thanks the guests for showing up, KEI reveals to Jeff a [false] article about a shark that was found in the local waters. Jeff dismissed the article and laughed at it… until he suddenly finds a shark fin coming close to him! At that time, Jeff escapes the hot tub, running like a scared little punk! And so, MIE & KEI say “good night” to the audience… and very shortly afterward, it is revealed that the shark fin was worn on Anga-san’s head! What a way to end an episode [although I must say that was kind of cruel – even if I don’t care too much for Jeff Altman]. Sayonara.
EPISODE SIX (The Lost Episode) Once again, enter Pink Lady and their rendition of another classic song. This time, it was “I Can’t Help Myself” by the Four Tops. After their performance, they introduce Jeff Altman. For this rather obscure opening after Pink Lady sing their song, Jeff tries to teach them some tongue twisters. Here is one that Jeff tried to teach them: “Around and around the ragged rock the ragged rascal ran.” After hearing that, KEI immediately said “Forget it.” So then the Ladies taught one to Jeff. Jeff tried to repeat the phrase they said, but it turned out all wrong; according to MIE, Jeff called Anga-san a bunch of naughty names! Next thing you know, Anga-san appears – and is none too pleased with what Jeff said. Jeff then tried to be funny about it; he imitated Richard Nixon: “Let me, of course, retract that statement…” but it was too late; Jeff was already in Anga-san’s crosshairs, and the chase was on. As they ran off, MIE said to Anga-san: “Don’t hurt him!” The special guests for this episode were: Bobby Vinton, Byron Allen, Sid Caesar, and another legendary performer – Roy Orbison. For our next section… oh no! It’s the pompous Reverend again! But this time, he is upstaged by “Reverend Mike” (played by Byron Allen). He pitches a deal similar to what “Reverend Jeff” pitches, and Jeff isn’t too impressed. So they try to out-heal each other with their style and flamboyance… but it is getting nowhere fast. Suddenly a very old and sickly man comes in accompanied by MIE & KEI. He is said to be a hypochondriac; he’s had every sickness known to man. As soon as he said “Money is no object…” bells rang within the heads of the two Reverends, and they took him aside. They both laid their hands on the old man and he felt a little better, but he was still quite out of it. So they both took him out of the church and into God-knows-where, until KEI stopped and asked them: “Why don’t you heal everyone else?” Reverend Jeff simply said: “Tell them to take 2 aspirin and call us in Tahiti.” And off they all went, leaving a rather bewildered MIE & KEI at the altar. After that obscure sketch, Pink Lady introduce Bobby Vinton – who then performs “Roses Are Red”, “I Love How You Love Me”, and a few more of his songs. [NOTE: MIE records an acapella version of “I Love How You Love Me” on her CD “Never”.] And… with this being the last show, this will be the last time we see Art Nuvo and his “Culture City”. This time it’s an “Everything-Must-Go” sale, as Art Nuvo and his assistants have lost their lease. And as Art Nuvo is rambling on, revenue agents are taking everything in sight and moving it elsewhere. And to make things interesting, Anga-san carries Art Nuvo away! Good riddance! Next up, it’s the daughters of Papa-san (played by Sid Caesar) and their newlywed husbands. But here’s a special surprise: Papa-san and his new girlfriend are coming to dinner! When the girls try to embrace their husbands, Papa-san gets more overprotective than usual… in the house of his own daughters! [I guess old habits die hard.] MIE catches him on that, and Papa-san lightens up. On that note, it’s time to meet Papa-san’s girlfriend Jill. Just seconds after Jill is introduced to everybody, the husbands grab their aprons and prepare to make dinner. But Papa-san does not agree with the lifestyle where the husbands serve their wives; he is so stuck on the tradition that “women are made to serve men.” Now it is time for dinner. MIE & KEI seat everyone down. Just as MIE seats Papa-san and his new girlfriend together, Papa-san freaks out! New rules: “Woman must not sit with man until marriage.” “Woman does not eat from her own plate; woman must eat what falls from man’s plate.” On top of that, he makes his girlfriend feed him – thus making her very nervous. [Damn – talk about control freaks!] Next up, the Ladies introduce Byron Allen. He then goes into a comedy sketch of his own. He talked about… - His experiences in high school - American Indians - High-school football - Graffiti on school walls Next up, a mini-episode of “Beverly Hills PD” where Jeff plays a cop – and has Pink Lady arrested! The charge: driving a Volkswagen in Beverly Hills. [Sweet cream on an ice-cream sandwich… WTF?!?] And to make things a little more awkward, the interior of the police station looks more like a glitzy mansion than a police station! Then all kinds of crazy events happen in the station… so crazy in fact that all staff in the station totally forget about MIE & KEI. And off they all went, leaving a rather bewildered MIE & KEI at the front desk. End of scene (Thank God!). After that rather disturbing sketch, we go to another musical spot featuring the legendary Roy Orbison – who then performs his famous “Pretty Woman.” After that prestigious performance by Roy Orbison, we witness a sketch where Jeff plays a Sheriff who tries to keep women out of his town… until MIE & KEI show off their strength by breaking a wooden fence. Sheriff Jeff then changes his mind and offers to buy them a Tequila Sunrise. Next up, Pink Lady & Jeff re-introduce Bobby Vinton. When he comes out, Bobby starts speaking Polish with MIE & KEI – much to Jeff’s confusion. So then, Bobby offers the Ladies a chance to sing with him – and the Ladies welcome that chance. Jeff then gets jealous and says he can sing too. He then asks if they would like to hear him sing, and their response is: “Yes! … No.” As they ALL say no, they leave Jeff on stage alone. Then Jeff sings anyway… and the auditorium is empty! [Damn – talk about Jeff getting less respect than Rodney Dangerfield!] He then has no choice but to give it up for 3 people who can sing: MIE & KEI, and Bobby Vinton. On to another mini-concert! Among the songs performed were “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” and “Johnny B. Goode”. Now comes the end of the show… with another strange ending: the Ladies attempt to sell the hot tub! Next thing you know, a saleslady comes with 2 potential customers who were happily ready to take the hot tub for themselves! Then they all get in, and Jim Varney tries to steal Jeff’s thunder and thank all the guests for joining them… along with the usual “Sayonara… good night!” Jeff then gets irate about it and literally kicks the “intruders” out of the hot tub! Then as Jeff happily reclaims and gets in the hot tub, Bobby Vinton joins him! Then Bobby makes an observation: - [BOBBY] Hold on… we’re missing something: two Pink Ladies. - [ANGA-SAN] Last call. Want a Pink Lady? That’s right – Anga-san actually speaks English! And to make things more interesting, he came in with bunny ears on his head… and two Pink Lady cocktails! Bobby then says: “This wasn’t the Pink Lady I was talking about…” Feeling rejected, Anga-san dumps the cocktails in the hot tub and leaves! So then, Jeff says the final “sayonara”… and the Ladies stand there smiling with their final “Good night!” Seeing as that this series took place nearly 30 years ago, this was definitely my best trip down memory lane. Seeing how great MIE & KEI were [as actresses and singers] really made me appreciate them a lot more. It’s a damn shame that this series couldn’t continue; I was mesmerized by the Ladies’ beauty from the very beginning. Even now in their early 50s, they are still as beautiful as ever. I thank Pink Lady (Mitsuyo Nemoto-Tsukuda & Keiko Masuda-Kuwaki) for bringing their legendary music to the world. I thank Joshua Parris (my fellow Chicagoan) for bringing Pink Lady back to my attention. I thank Jeffrey Branch for creating the Pink Lady America website (http://www.PinkLadyAmerica.com). Goodbye for now, folks… and think Pink! |
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